Friday, 4 September 2015

For Those of You Going Through a Breakup

Before I write my last post about my Euro-trip experience, I should probably write about my recent break-up. Well, it's not recent. It actually happened about 3 months ago. A few days before I flew out to Rome to start my adventure, and the night before my sister's hen-do. Great timing, right? He was very considerate on that front. [Note the sarcasm]. 

I won't go into details about what happened but lets just say it was very sudden and random and shocking. Because of that, I kept on hoping for ages that we would get back together seeing as things were great between us literally just the day before we broke up. When you go through a break up that is just so sudden and out of the blue, there is always the hope that you'll get back together because the feelings were there just the day before, how can they have disappeared overnight? How can someone who supposedly had such strong feelings for you be able to throw you away so easily? 
I made the stupid mistake of being in that frame of mind and thinking that he must miss me as much as I missed him and that he'd want to get back together as well, because we had seemed so happy together.
And so I messaged him a few times when I was away on my trip. No reply. 
Don't make the same mistake I did. Don't message them, because it just feeds their ego and makes you feel even worse. You just have to come to terms with the fact that maybe he just doesn't care anymore, and all the things you're feeling he probably isnt' feeling. It might sound really harsh, but read below:


Of course I was heartbroken and it did ruin my trip a little. When you go through a break up, it is constantly on your mind, and you're constantly thinking about him and it totally drew my attention away from parts of the trip where I should have been having the time of my life. Not only was I obviously mad at him for breaking up with me, but I was furious that he would do it when he knew I was about to embark on a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I still am actually. It was incredibly selfish.

Being away on the trip, I can't make up my mind if it helped or hindered the break up experience. I was emotionally exhausted the entire time we were travelling [not to mention physically exhausted] and I just wanted to be by myself and cry and let it all out. But staying in hostels with strangers kind of inhibits you from doing that. It also wouldn't have been fair to my friends to be constantly moaning and crying and talking about it, because that's not what they want to have happen on their Euro-trip. And so I had to bottle it all up. So although that was so hard, because I was away I was distracted a lot more than I would have been if I was just sitting in my bed in Glasgow. It made me skip over that wallowing period of the break up but I'm wondering if one day it will just hit me cause I haven't actually been able to go through it yet.
So maybe if you're going through a break up, the answer is to go on a trip with your friends! It'll help take your mind off it, but you'll also have to give yourself a few days to cry it out because you need that. You need to go through the pain. 

I've reached that point where I can logically look back on it and say to myself, 'you don't need or want to be with someone who would treat you like that'. Because I don't. He was so rash and impulsive and selfish and cruel about it and if someone can treat me like that, they're obviously not the kind of guy I should be with. What always hurt the most was that he didn't care enough about me to talk through it. He got angry and it was so easy for him to throw me away. If someone truely cares about you, they shouldn't be able to do that. They shouldn't be able to treat you like you're expendable. I read something on tumblr [good old tumblr] that I thought definitely put a positive spin on a crappy situation like a break up and I thought I would share it.
Because it's true. However long it takes, one day they will look back on it when they have matured a bit and realise what an idiot they were and how they lost something so important. But it's their loss and they should feel sad about it, but not you. The only thing you've lost is someone who obviously didn't care enough about you.

One last piece of advice before I sign off. Do yourself a favour and don't stay updated with those who you realised weren't good for you. You don't need to know how they're doing. Trust me, it just makes it so much worse. You see them enjoying their life and you sit there heartbroken, coming to the realisation that they're not thinking about you at all, let alone missing you. As hard as it is to resist, don't look them up on facebook/instagram/snapchat. Delete them off everything. You don't need to look at their snapchat stories and see them in bed with another girl. Yep, that happened. 

So good luck with getting through this difficult period. It sucks and hurts so much but you'll get over it. Even if it doesn't feel like it, you will. And one day you'll be able to look back and realise what a mistake they made and maybe even feel sorry for them.

4 comments:

  1. I went through a similar experience. My first love and I broke up as the school year ended and I shortly took a trip to Europe afterwards. I was fine when we broke up, I was happy. I saw his flaws and knew I'd be better off alone. But in Europe something changed in me, I started to see my faults and his perfection. I started to miss him. I came home and ever since life has been a meaningless hell of telling myself to get over him but still hoping to run into him everyday just to see him. It's going to be a year since our relationship started and I'm so devasted I can't get over him. I love him. I care for him. I need to accept he doesn't feel that way for me anymore but I'm so scared of feeling empty.

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    1. I get it. Sometimes you think you're fine but then it hits you later on. I still miss the boy I was talking about in this post even though its been ages since we broke up. You may always care for your ex. But that doesn't mean you won't be able to move on and be happy again. It just takes some time. You need to be happy with yourself to be able to properly move on. Just because he's not there anymore, that doesn't mean you have to feel empty. Work on yourself and being happy alone. You don't need someone else to make you feel whole and happy! You'll get there eventually :)

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  2. I went through a similar experience. My first love and I broke up as the school year ended and I shortly took a trip to Europe afterwards. I was fine when we broke up, I was happy. I saw his flaws and knew I'd be better off alone. But in Europe something changed in me, I started to see my faults and his perfection. I started to miss him. I came home and ever since life has been a meaningless hell of telling myself to get over him but still hoping to run into him everyday just to see him. It's going to be a year since our relationship started and I'm so devasted I can't get over him. I love him. I care for him. I need to accept he doesn't feel that way for me anymore but I'm so scared of feeling empty.

    ReplyDelete